Dear Lovie,

I wanted to tell you a little about the story of YOU. I hope this doesn't gross you out or disappoint you!

I like to think it all started with a prayer. Two of my close friends had just lost their babies.  Your father and I had been married 11 months, and one night after learning about their losses I was staying at my parents house. I stood my by dresser and said a little prayer Lord, I know I am not planning on having children, but I promise I will willingly accept any children that you bless me with.

We were not trying for a baby. We were trying to not have a baby! We were both 27, still remodeling our house, trying frantically to get out of debt, start our careers, and keep afloat financially. I had just completed my first year of teaching and was switching from high school to elementary school.  We had no family nearby.  And then I went out of a girls' night with Jessica and drank too many Margaritas. This was 3 weeks before our 1 year wedding anniversary.

Two weeks later I was at Nashville Shores water park (again with Jess) wondering why my stomach was so bloated in my slimming black swimsuit. We fell 5 stories off a really scary water slide with you in tow!

The next week your daddy and I had a really fun 1st anniversary in Marietta, GA.  We stayed through the July 4th weekend, and I kept wondering when my period would come. My face was SO oily.  I was bloated. Moody. Frantic about remodeling furniture for our house and buying curtains to make it look more finished. Miranda brought this nesting instinct to my attention. I conned your aunt Jamie into running out for pregnancy tests. I took two tests that were negative.

On July 7th I took a final test that came up slightly positive.  I called your daddy , who was now back in Nashville for work, while I was on a walk with Pacey and we freaked out for about three full days.

I got back to Nashville and the sickness set in.  I had so many different emotions, but mainly fear. Fear of not finishing school.  Fear of not working. Fear of loss of income. Fear of not meeting my life goals. Fear of raising a child. Fear of you having my allergies and being allergic to my two adorable puppies. Sadness of your Great Poppy's cancer diagnosis.  Distraught at the loss of your Great Poppy on October 5th, 2010.  Intermittent feelings of joy and elatement. I worried about your health, progress, and well-being. Would you turn out okay?  Did I stay away from all the chemicals I could? Did I forget to take my vitamins? Did I eat enough vegetables?

I did not stop throwing up round the clock until Thanksgiving. December started to get rough with backaches, and I often felt like you were going to fall out.  You started to come way to early in January, so I spent January and February on bed rest. We are just starting the month of March, You are 38 weeks along, and we will meet you any day now!

I now regret not journaling every day of my pregnancy- every little kick and squirm that you have made along the way.  I do know that the first time that your daddy felt you kick was on the way back from Poppy's funeral service.  I felt you very, very early on.  You currently have your head in the birth canal (since December!), your back along my right side, your cute little booty under my diaphragm, knees tucked in, crossed legs that you love to streeetch out and kick out on my left side.

I cannot feed you much sugar or you go CRAZY flopping back and forth all over the place.  You are too big to do that now, and it hurts!

So now here we are, just waiting to see your beautiful face.  Wondering what lies before us as a family of 5 (don't forget your fur sister Roxanne and fur brother Copper!). Wondering how we will feel when you arrive. Wondering how we will get by with all the new challenges that comes along with being a first time parent. Excited for the future little family we never expected to have but already love so much!

Love, Mom